When it comes to losing someone, there is no one thing that you can do to feel better, move on, and let go. For me, when I lost my best friend (Deborah), I needed to do a variety of things. For example, I needed to accept that it wasn't my fault; it was inevitable; it was a good thing. I had to resolve a lot of problems that had been going on between us in my mind without her input. I had to analyze everything so that I could get answers to my questions:
How did she move on so fast? Did I ever mean anything to her?
Is she hurting as much as I am?
Why am I the one crying at school, while she is talking and laughing with all these other girls?
It took a bit of time and a lot of thinking, but I found my answers.
She didn't move on. She's not dealing with the pain of losing me; she's covering it up. At one point, I meant the world to her, but she has changed. I wouldn't want to be friends with the new her.
She is hurting. A few days after we stopped being friends, I asked her about it, and she said that she does miss me, she will always love me, she's not completely happy. However, she's not hurting like I am because she isn't dealing with it like I am. She's trying to forget about it, while I am trying to resolve it now so that remembering it later won't be a problem. I wouldn't be able to fully move on from her if I didn't completely resolve everything with her and let go of everything relating to her.
I'm the one crying at school because I am the strong one. I don't need other girls; I don't talk to them; they don't talk to me. I made it clear in my previous years of high school that I did not want to be part of their fake circles; I only wanted my best friend. So now that we are no longer friends, she is clinging to them for happiness, while I am finding happiness within myself, and drawing strength from God.
If I didn't believe in God, I wouldn't be able to handle this kind of pain. What she and I had wasn't an average friendship. I depended on her for everything; I drew my strength from her, my happiness from her, everything. She was more than my best friend; she was part of me. She knows things about me that I will never even think of telling another soul. Losing her really did mean losing a part of myself.
Through this pain, emptiness, and confusion, I discovered something. When you lose somebody, you lose a part of yourself, a piece of your heart. The best way to fix that, is to fill that hole, that empty space, with God. Ask Him to be not just with you, but in you and a part of you. Give it all to Him; ask Him to take over and to do what is best for you. That way, you can get through any pain. No matter how many people you lose, you will never be empty.
God will never forget you. He will never betray you. He will never stop loving you. He will never change and decide that He likes Amy more than He likes you. He will never be too busy for you. He will laugh with you; He will cry with you; He will always be there for you.
So when life gets too hard to stand, kneel and pray.
When everything in life overwhelms you and knocks you to your knees, pray.
And also, when life is going extremely awesomely, don't forget to pray.
God is my new best friend. I'm not going to blow Him off, or pretend to not see His texts, or only talk to Him when I am hurting or upset. I will go to and love Him all the time.
One last tip, be sure to spend time with some other friends. I spent the afternoon with Arden doing a bunch of random stuff, like going to the mall and Starbucks, and we had a blast. It was hard at times. I would think of the things that Deborah and I used to do together, and then I would get a little sad. But Arden would always smile and say something to cheer me up. It definitely helped with the healing process.
So, in the end, thanks be to God that through Him, we can get through any kind of pain that is thrown our way! <3